Managing Stress in College: Understanding The 3F's Of Human Behavior
- Laura Amigone
- Apr 2
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 21
One of my new clients, a college freshman, has been trying to forget or ignore the gut feeling that she's not really getting what's happening in her classes. She feels lost when she tries to get the work done, so it's often done at the last minute, or she doesn’t do the assignment at all.
In this post, I’m going to walk you through the three F’s of human behavior to help you identify what stage you’re in and how to navigate your next steps so you can resolve problems quickly and accomplish your goals in college.
The 3F’s of Human Behavior
To start the process of helping my freshman client, I took her through the 3F's of human behavior:
Flight: Avoiding the Problem
When in flight mode, we avoid our problems by ignoring them, or trying to forget them by procrastinating, dropping the class, or missing assignments.
Fight: Blaming Others or Ourselves
In fight mode, we do the opposite of running away. We face the issue, but in an aggressive way. We start to get mad at everyone else about the problem, blame others for it, and/or ourselves, and try to fight reality. Maybe we are taking action, but it's from an angry place that blocks real, efficient progress.
Freeze: Feeling Stuck and Overwhelmed
Then in freeze mode, we know there's a problem, but we do nothing new or different to fix it. We are frozen in a worried state. We might wait for someone to come help, but then we repeat the same actions.
Worrying all the time about your school work? Check out my blog post on how to get out of that worried state and start accomplishing your goals!
Managing Stress in College: Moving into the "Figure It Out” Stage
One of the biggest challenges students face is managing stress in college while juggling coursework, social life, and future career planning. Many students fall into fight, flight, or freeze mode when overwhelmed, which can negatively impact their academic performance and mental well-being.
The Figure It Out Stage: Taking Action
When figuring things out, we aren’t fighting reality, shrinking from it, or feeling paralyzed by it. Instead, we are moving into pre-frontal problem-solving mode!
We consider multiple strategies to try to fix the problem, and engage with other people to find guidance or help. Even though we aren't sure the exact path forward, we are willing to try new things to see what can work.
The next step is to help them move into the "figure it out" stage, which doesn't always just come inevitably.
How to Move Into the "Figure It Out" Stage
Define The Problem
Many young adults first need to define the problem they are having.
Ask yourself:
What are you struggling with in your current situation?
What specifically is causing you to fight, fight, or freeze?
For example:
Is it that an assignment has many parts to it, and you don’t know where to start?
Or do you have other assignments due at the same time, and deadlines are rapidly approaching?
Accept Your Feelings With Compassion
Accepting your reality with compassion is going to help you overcome your obstacles. Drop the judgment that you shouldn't be feeling a certain way, or that you should have avoided a situation. Acknowledge your feelings, accept that it’s ok to feel this way, and then let those feelings go.
Tap Into Your Self-Confidence
Remind yourself that you’ve accomplished hard things before and that you can do this!
The only way to figure it out is to start by trying one new thing.
Figure Out Your Next Step!
Now it’s time to get to work!
Brainstorm what you want to try to work towards figuring it out.
Who is one person you can go talk to?
If you did know how to move forward, what would be your best guess on how to start?
Much of my work with my college clients is to help them identify which stage they are in with regard to:
Not doing well in a class
Problems with roommates or friends
Confusion about major and career paths
Share Your Experience!
What stage of the 3F’s are you in right now? Comment below!
Let’s Figure It Out Together!
This process, in the space of 1-on-1 coaching, unfolds in a calm, curious way that
leaves the college client empowered to go try out their new strategy and see if they get a new result.
If not, new data is entered into the equation and we go from there.
What stage of the 3F's are you in right now, or your college-aged student? Let's figure it out! 👉 Schedule a free consultation call today! Even just this call can help you move into the 4th F (the figure it out stage!), which is still not easy, but feels a lot better than the other 3Fs.
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