How to Make Friends in College: Start with Self-Awareness

Most college students hear the same advice: "Just put yourself out there and you’ll make friends!" But in reality, making friends in college can feel awkward, slow, or even discouraging—especially if you expect instant connections.

If I were in charge of planning college orientation, I'd include a session called

"How to Make Friends in College 101." But not the kind you’re thinking of…

This wouldn't be a how-to guide or a step-by-step strategy. It would be a conversation—one that starts with you.

Step One: Reflect on Your Own Friendship History

Before you worry about how to make new friends in college, take 10 minutes to think through these questions:

• How did you make friends in elementary, middle, or high school?

• What qualities do you look for in a friend vs. an acquaintance?

• What types or “levels” of friendships have you had?

• How long do you usually take to feel close to someone?

• Have you had friendships that faded or ended?

• How do you feel about starting conversations or making plans with someone new?

• Are you someone who adjusts your schedule to hang out, or do you wait for others to fit you in?

• If it takes a while to find "your people," what will you do in the meantime?

• What do you want to do the same or differently this time around?

  
  

This reflection helps you realize that you already have a pattern, and understanding it gives you insight and confidence. Everyone has a different pace and style—there’s no right timeline or friend quota in college.

Step Two: Try These Mindset and Connection Strategies

Once you’ve reflected, here are a few strategies to try as you navigate the social side of college:

• Start with shared interests – Whether it’s your dorm, a class, or a club, shared context is the most natural way to connect.

• Ask questions – If you don’t know what to say, start with a simple question. It signals openness and keeps the conversation moving.

• Be the initiator – Don’t wait to be invited. Be the one who says, "Want to grab food?" or "Going to the gym—want to come?"

• Don’t expect instant reciprocation – Sometimes it takes 4-5 tries before someone reciprocates with an invitation. That’s normal, not rejection. If you feel a good connection with the person and want to hang out with them, keep initiating!

• Be patient and be yourself – You’re not behind. You’re not doing it wrong. Good friendships do take time.

  
  

What If You're Still Anxious or Struggling?

Whether you're new to college or returning with a fresh determination to make better friends, know this: one question at a time, one move outside your comfort zone at a time, be willing to find that person who YOU want to hang out with.

As a College Success Coach, I work with students who want to get clear on what’s getting in the way of connection—and what they want to do differently this year.

💬 If you want to talk it through, schedule a call with me. Parent and/or student can book a call! Even this call helps, no obligation.