I love reframing the term "asking for help" with my college clients because this is something that changed my life when I applied it to myself. I wish I had known that it was ok to ask for help when I needed it—even if it felt a bit embarrassing. That’s a common feeling experienced in college.
In this post, I’m going to share a story about Sean, one of my college sophomore clients, his experience with asking for help, and outline 3 ways to rethink how to ask for help.
Sean’s Story: A College Student Seeking Help
Sean knew that his Chemistry class was not going well. He wasn’t getting good grades on his quizzes and exams. His parents kept telling him to go to office hours, but he hadn't gone yet.
In our coaching session, we talked about the situation in the class and went through the steps to finally seek out help, which can feel uncomfortable, and time-consuming but is worth it in the end!
Step 1: Going Through Your “Help” History
Before Sean asked for help, we went through his "help" history and discussed when and how in the past he has asked for help and/or received help:
He didn't need help understanding material in high school or college.
He believed he "should" be able to figure things out on his own.
He doubted that going to office hours, tutoring, or studying with others would even help.
This is the perfect storm to not asking for help! Prolonging the struggle and not getting the help you need slows down results, and feels deflating.
If you are afraid or reluctant to ask your professor for help, take a moment to jot down how you have asked for help in the past. What was the outcome? Was it a positive or negative experience? And what can you learn from these past experiences?
Step Two: Reframing Asking for Help
In Sean’s case, we focused on enhancing his ability to ask for help. Here are the three main components of this skill I taught him and that you can apply to:
Timing is important
Asking for help at the right time is key to achieving success during college. It is good to work through the material on your own for a bit and push through the cognitive discomfort of learning.
Yet, If you have put in the time on your own, and still don’t feel you’re making progress, now is the time to ask for help.
Don’t delay! As time goes on, more material will be taught in each class, and if you don’t resolve the roadblock with the previous concepts or material, the new material will just pile on, and make you feel like you are in a deeper hole.
Reframe Your Mindset
College is designed for community learning and collaboration. It is not meant to be done in solitary, alone with your books or laptop. Checking your understanding of the material you’re learning with professors, peer study groups, or teaching assistants is the best way to gain feedback on what you know and what is still fuzzy for you.
"Asking for help is more about inviting someone into your learning process, rather than admitting that you aren't smart or not capable."
Integration is Key
Once you have met with a professor, teaching assistant, tutor, or study group, you are not done learning. Now is the time to integrate their feedback into your learning process.
Reflect on what they told you, run it through your mind, and think about what you’ve learned from them. Decide what you should do next based on their feedback and your own thinking. Don’t just blindly follow their advice, integrate it with what you already know.
After the Shift: Sean’s Success
After taking these steps with Sean, I could see the shift in his awareness.
Asking for help is not as easy as adults make it out to be - when Sean, my college client heard this, he first felt relief that there wasn't something wrong with him, and then felt excited that he had a road map to actually get help and not have to figure it all out on his own!
Support Your College Student’s Success
"Colleges have great resources and want their students to succeed, but students have to be proactive in taking advantage of them."
I love helping college students get the help they need on their campuses - colleges have great resources and want their students to do well, but the students have to be the ones to go and take advantage of them. This is the gap that I help students (and parents!) bridge! Once students learn the skill of asking for help unapologetically, they are now empowered to try hard and achieve better results.
Click here to schedule a call with me to talk about your college student! Just this call can be helpful in thinking about ways to support your college student, and maybe they'd even be willing to have an intro call with me!
Have you ever struggled to ask for help in college? What steps did you take to finally reach out? I'd love to hear your story—share your experiences in the comments below!
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